MENINJAU DENGAN MATA HATI UNTUK MENCARI DIRI ( APA AKU CAKAP NI A? )

Asas penyelidikan was my 2nd paper in this semester examination. But sounds like funny when both 1st and 2nd paper feel like totally messed up already. I can't answer well those paper. Feeling like "Tulung la. Dpt C+ pun jadilah"...

Teori as 1st paper for me not so bad. But for asas, i think its quite bad. When objective question I can answer. I don't know where the question come from. Feel like lost in my own world. World created by myself. Feel like I shitting myself. Didn't study well. I am not playing around. But I don't have feeling study anymore. I don't have reason to study. I mean reason for myself.

I am doing something for myself. For my satisfaction. To gain satisfaction, I always have reason for doing something. But when I am doing something for everything, its going nothing. What I mean is I am studying now for everyone. Everyone ask me to study. Its not for me as well. So for its nothing. I can gain nothing.

Right now I only has one reason. Not to let down what my mom ask. Before she go, she said she want me to study. No matter what happen, she want me to study. Thats why I'm still here. I wish she'll be with me at my convocation. But no matter what I do, its impossible. Hoping for impossible thing. Crazy right? I have emotion. Feeling. I need mom.

Before this, if I have problem or everything. Including 'bgaduh d skool dlu', I will tell my mom. She won't angry but she will say something that make me know I am wrong in that situation. When she already gone, my world feeling empty. I create my own stupid world. Its hard for me to let people come to my world. Really crazy. When I am falling sick, I will remember her. My mom will ask me not to sleep at my room. So I just sleep at living room. She will be there to taking care of me. How angel she was. "Sanggup tidur di lantai semata-mata mo jaga masa skit.". Thats why I always trying to avoid falling sick. But my antibody was in low level. I always falling sick. And the latest I falling sick, I feel the love of mother. Thanks to Nurul. Her mom was a good person. Very good person. Sometimes I also miss her mom. I feel the aura of a mother.

Her mom was very good person. Actually there is no actual words can describe her. I really want to meet her. Want to talk with her. Like mother and son. But I don't have enough courage to meet her. I almost cry when I meet her. Not because I am sad. Its because she too angel for me. Thanks for letting me feel like I have mother like before. Even its not the same like mama, but its still mother's love.

I think its long enough for this time. From examination to mother's love. If I have mood to write something, I just puke it here. In my blog.

- MENINJAU DENGAN MATA HATI UNTUK MENCARI DIRI -