It was Wednesday. I went to class like every Wednesday, but today I was the one who came early among all the other friends. Some of the classmates were here. Who cares about them anywhere? We were not that closed (this is one of the attitude we always did, yeah go on deny it but really that’s how people tend to be). So, I took the usual seats and sat there waiting for the others. The girls behind me were so scandalous over things that were not even cool in my eyes. I glanced myself in the mirror right beside me and I saw the girl behind me. She was so confident over things she said to the other friend, which I found out later, there is a short stories we were supposed to read but yeah I had not done the reading yet. Acting cool yet feeling stupid, I just sat there and listen to every conversation I can detect from the back. SICK! I was eyeing the door expecting my friends to come now when I saw her smiled at me. I smiled back but no conversation. How I regret that now when I think back. If only I knew only few days left…………..
Class started like always. Late. Punctuality was hard here. Again she was talking about it again and again, the same old stories Madam. Fortunately, I laughed every time I heard it. Sigh. Luck was on our side or that was what we thought when the short story we discussed today was not the other one I heard she talked about just now. We smiled to each other full of victory. Yet, same old dramas, we had not read this one as well. Feels good about it? Kinda. Now that a bunch of us did not read it yet, I felt even secure. But yeah.. Felt like a DIMWIT as well. How irritating to hear that she has read on this one as well. I know the routine already. She will talk and talk and talk behind us like a back up singer for the lecturer. Duh!! Stop it already! So, like I have thought, there she went from time to time we only heard her voice instead of the lecturer. Damn annoying wei... So as damn awful as I was, I looked at my other friends and do our eyes-talking and rolled eyes and sigh heavily. Obviously enough we did not fancy her talking at all but she never gets it anywhere. So, the class went awfully for us. I know and I realized that we were the only league having this pain-in-the-ass when it came to her talking this way. So sorry we just could not help it but HATE! When I think back about it, these were the attitudes that made us so close to her anywhere……… regret does not do us any goods now. If only we knew…….
Friday. I hated so much this morning class. Luckily it was him, my favorite lecturer's class. SEMANTICS. From the very first, all I know about this class was it has to do something with meaning. Yeah yeah! Extra credits for me here for not being dumb-ass in this. Smug grin. We went to class today with our eyes swollen for staying up till dawn doing our assignment. I had no ideas why an eleventh-hour works always the best, so we thought. So being restless tired and exhausted as we were, we found things were not as fun as usual. Yet being demon as we were, things people said and done evoked the stupidity of making fun of others in us. What was best when you were in all these unwanted moods were a good laugh out loud. So there we were, sat at the very front row looking so awfully hideous listening to every pronunciation made, every answer given and laughed our heart out over things only us realized was wrong and funny. I remembered to repeat what she said aloud and we laughed ourselves silly yet people around us did not even noticed the foolery we made. Thus, the only one who laughed their head off was us. It was damn pathetic when I think back of it nowadays. How mean I can be and how bad we were to do such a thing…… if only we knew.. We would not have done that stupidity… yet no one expect it to happen…….
Holidays were great. A week passed so here we were again. Monday. A tutorial class for SEMANTICS. Most of us were here even though it's Monday, as everyone knew it was the day of laziness to almost all of us. We discussed things we had touched the week before the holidays. Things were just great, we thought. Tuesday. No class. It's an official off day for us, the TESLIANS. Smug grin. We were always great in fixing our schedules. Wednesday. I did not attend the class today, was silly. We were having a mid term, I missed it. Very imprudence. Thursday. Morning class killed. My friends were being so concerned over the fact that I missed my mid term. Somehow, I will sit for it darling, don't worry your pretty little head about it. Sigh. Another class, the drama started. She was not around for almost a week now. For God sake, how on earth did we never realize about her absence??? She never absent a single class and this was so un-her. We realized something was wrong. We put hopes, we prayed for her safety.
Friday. Morning class again. Things were getting worst with all those stupid stories! Stop all the stupidity!! She will be here again, that was what we told ourselves again and again. However, there was something in the eyes of them who knew told me something was so wrong. Yet we had no rights to talk anything. Pray. Hope. That was the only thing we could give. Afternoon class. We were talking about her most of the time. Wondering what had happen. Where did she gone. Is everything truly going to be alright? Will everything be normal again? Hurt. Scared. Yet everything was normal between all of us. Lecturer being a stupid dumb-dumb today. He said something that maddened us so much. It was hurt to hear that. Showed some respect Mister! We were the closest one to her here in this hall. There were almost ninety of us here. Never said that kind of things again. She will be back. We were damn hurt by the statement made. We may not be close. We may be an asshole. Yet we were friends. We were like a family. At this time, I realized that we were so vulnerable. Regret slowly came creeping. Love evolved around us. To make us stronger made us as one.
Saturday. We still gave hope. We believe she will be back. Night. I was reading the book five person you met in heaven when I received a text message from one of my best friend saying she has no wrong to say this but she had gone! I was so shocked! The news really taken me aback.. I cant figure it out.. I felt pain in my heart. Hurt and extreme sadness came to me. She is one of us. The TESLIANS! We were like family and even though we were not so close but I can really feel the pain. I could not imagine how and what she had been through in the last minute of struggling for life! It hurts. Damn hurts to think about it. Even more painful when I think about what I have been to her all this while. Regrets. Hurts. It felt like someone had stabbed my heart. It was so painful. She, the sweetest girl among us, our pinky, the smartest one, has gone!!! I cried so hard. I abandoned the book. I lay on my bed. Speechless. Painful. Tears streaming down. I reached for my rosary. I prayed. A pray for a friend. The mean things we did really make us close. Sorry was not enough. If only we knew……
Sunday. This was a secret we had to keep. I told no one. Most of us knew about it but keep it to ourselves. They said this is official, yet keep mum is the best. Hurts. Night. Another friend texted me. The details of her condition. I could not bear it. I cried. How on earth anyone could do that to another human being. Hatred conquered me. Cruel. The world is getting old. I was told a last respect will be held for her on Tuesday. Monday. I stayed over at a friend's room in campus. Lots of unsaid things remained. Tuesday came. We woke early. Went to the place we were supposed to gather before we left. Everyone was in BLACK. Sadness. Mourning. Our journey to her place was taking more times than we thought. We were the last one to arrive. They were waiting for us. All of us, never care about the religion gather there in the church. How beautiful it was. She taught us about LOVE. As soon as we were all seated, her coffin was brought in. Extreme sadness. Cried. Hurts. Painful. Lots of undone business she left behind. There are lots of things she wanted to do. She was the bright student. I remembered everything about her. Her smiles. The way she talked. The way she dressed. Everything. I was so mean….. If only I knew…..
Now, here I am thinking about her these few days. I wrote this, the last few days she was there with us. It has been two months and twenty one days since she left us. She taught us of being as one. She taught us of LOVE. If only she seen us from up there, she knows how much we love her. How much she touched our lives. She was the reason we were close to each other now. She taught us how short this life can be. She taught us of caring. She taught us of never taking things for granted. Just like what we did to her. We people tend to say if only we knew…… we would not do this and that. But she has taught us of never to wait till something wrong happens to change and be true to others. She taught us so much. I miss her so much. We may not be close. Yes. But stupid things we did really make me close to her in the heart. I miss you dear friend… so sorry for everything. You live in us every single day. You may not be here physically but you are always in out heart. We love you more than you ever know…. You are always LOVED. May your soul rest in peace. (1986-2008)
Lots of love,
Nikita.
Suddenly I want to post this. To remind those who doesn't appreciate friendship. I don't want you all feel regret.
1 comment:
:'((
*weeping over the memories*
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